New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
