Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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