Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
