So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
