When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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