I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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