Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
