I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She announced her abortion via fbk
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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