This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line