i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
