FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
