Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got inside last night via doggy door
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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