a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
