I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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