I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
