What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
