My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
