When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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