he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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