So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
