Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
