If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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