My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
