I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
