Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
