I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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