Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
