i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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