A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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