Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
