I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
