My sheets look like a crime scene.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
