It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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