Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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