I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
