i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
