who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
