If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
