Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
