I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the jesus of drinking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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