She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
