The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
