why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
