apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
