My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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