so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
