he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
