I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
