found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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