Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
