some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
