god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
