the new term for farting is butt boxing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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