Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
