please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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