i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
