she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
50% drunk capacity currently
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
