i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
