There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
