So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
