You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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