im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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