the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
