I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
