I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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