sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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