He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
