So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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